by Ryan Butcher
I'm not quite sure what a Harlem Shake is, and I don't really want to know. What I do know is that it needs to go away. And soon.
There's a culture of infuriating mediocrity eating away at Lincoln club nights like a cancer.
And it's led to promoters and DJs thinking that playing Harlem Shake and, heaven forbid, Gangnam Style, is an acceptable thing to do.
Quite frankly, I'm of the firm belief that people who bound around clubs and frantically wave their arms in the air to simulate riding a horse should be security tagged and not allowed to leave their homes after sunset.
Unless you appreciate Gangnam Style within the context of socialist propaganda satirically swiping at the overarching ruling class of South Korea's affluent capital of Seoul, which, of course, no-one does.
But back to the point. Clubs in Lincoln need to change before punters are perpetually left with an apathetic ennui and we all end up like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day.
Thankfully, I think the cure is here – and just in the nick of time.
You see, Friday, February 22, will see the launch of a brand new club night for Lincoln – Above Below.
Held in the fantastically brilliant Tokyo Basement Cellars, the night stands on the building blocks of some of Lincoln's most iconic but now-lost club nights, like Ctrl Alt Del and Yo-Yo.
You won't hear dated comedic trance tracks here. It's a night for real music lovers who, well, love real music. A quick look at the play list runs through everything from Animal Collective to Arcade Fire, The Beatles to The Black Keys, The Chemical Brothers and Crystal Castles – and much more.
"Lincoln's just become a bit dry on choice," explains organiser Aron Breen, one of Lincoln's most established DJs.
"The idea of Above Below is to offer something different in one of the best venues in the city.
"Everyone's playing it safe these days. The big clubs are pulling the punters in, but there's nothing alternative. There's nothing different. We're here to fill that void.
"The recession has obviously had a big part to play in the lack of variety in Lincoln. The students still go out a lot, but outside of term time, the safer bet for clubs is to play more commercial music.
"This is about offering a different kind of night for people who love proper music.
"The crowd will know what's on offer from the flyers, but after that, we'll play to them. Whatever's right for the moment."
Whether you're into classic bands like The Rolling Stones and The Velvet Underground, post-punk pioneers like Joy Division and Talking Heads, or more modern indie like The xx, Yeah Yeah Yeahs or the Cribs, there's going to be something for you here, no question.
Lincoln has been crying out for a night like Above Below for far too long. And I, for one, can't think of a better way to spend a Friday night.
See you there.
Above Below opens at 11pm until 3.30am, with entry costing £5 or £4 for students. For more information, visit www.facebook.com/abovebelowlincoln.